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Here is the actual material our affiliates received Thursday, August 15th...
GEORGE W. BUSH - ECONOMY (USA Today) - Bush: Economy is under control. WACO, Texas — President Bush assured Americans Tuesday that his administration has a steady hand on the economy. "We're pleased with some progress, but we got more to do," Bush said at a half-day economic forum he convened at Baylor University. Critics called the confab a public relations stunt.
 
GWB: Mornin' there, Sparky! It's me, Dubya! Just callin' to reassure everyone there in (CITY) that I've got my finger on the pulse of the economy... and ANOTHER finger the pulse of Dick Cheney! If either one goes Code Blue, I'll know it instantly!
 
DJ: That's reassuring, sir...
 
GWB: And let me further reassure you and every investor that they can expect a "BULL" market! Yep! When a company issues an earnings report, chances are, it's bull!
 
DJ: Sir, what about the Standard & Poor...
 
GWB: Hey, I'm not here to comment on YOUR life, Sparky, I'm here to reassure America...and promise to review every stock's P/E Ratio! Which, of course, is the ratio of investors who wet their pants as their stock goes down the toilet! You could say it's my "number one" priority!
 
DJ: Groan! But sir, aren't market fluctuations necessary for investors to "buy low, sell high?"
 
GWB: HEY! I got no problems with people buying low, but if we catch people selling high, we're gonna require a urinalysis before they can place an order! Which brings us back to the P/E Ratio! But I ain't got time to go into that now; the CEO of the nation's largest internet portal is waiting in the lobby! Just what I need this morning, some YAHOO! Hey, Viagra con Doritos, y'all!
 
HILLARY CLINTON - BAR  (NY Post) - August 14, 2002 -- Hillary aide in bra-zen romp. AN uninhibited aide to Sen. Hillary Clinton was thrown out of the Ritz-Carlton in Battery Park City the other night after stripping down to her bra in the hotel bar. Kara Hughes, Clinton's director of economic development, was having drinks at the hotel's 14th-floor Rise bar Friday at about 8 p.m. She went outside to the open-air patio where, our witness reports, a guy she was chatting with suddenly doffed his dress shirt. Hughes answered the bare-chested challenge by unbuttoning her blouse and tossing it on the ground. One of her red-faced friends grabbed the discarded top and quickly ushered the bra-clad Hughes back inside. Moments later, a wobbly Hughes re-emerged on the patio, with her blouse back on - but not for long. "She started to take her top off again," reports our witness. "It was about halfway to three-quarters of the way off when two hotel security guys came up to her and dragged her off. "I didn't see her after that. I guess she got thrown out of the hotel."
 
HC: Yes, this is Hillary Rodham Clinton, how are you this morning, (DJ)?! Well, isn't that special! Look, I heard you talking about one of my aides who got drunk in a hotel bar and stripped down to her bra! I fired her last night!
 
DJ: Are you serious?
 
HC: Cross my heart! As far as she and I are concerned, we are officially lifted and separated!
 
DJ: It was only her bra, Mrs. "C." What are the chances you would hire her back?
 
HC: Well, her chances of being rehired are about like her bra; we're talking "miracle!"
 
DJ: I still don't understand why you're so upset.
 
HC: She was my director of economic development! She was supposed to fight inflation, not flaunt it!
 
DJ: I'm sorry, but I think you over-reacted...and here, this poor girl is out of a job.
 
HC: Not any more; Bill hired her this morning! He still hasn't decided on what her position will be! My guess is, Bill will want her working in the area of finance...but only because she has a history of losing her shirt! Look, I'll call ya later...


ELVIS - SEANCE (E! Online) - DAD APPROVES: British gossip site Peoplenews.com reporting that Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley held a pre-engagement seance to get Elvis' blessing for their weekend wedding in Hawaii. He reportedly gave them the okay. FREE to all affiliates.Offered via phone.
 
EP: Uh, yeah, this is the King! I didn't exactly give them my blessing! I thought Lisa Marie was asking me something about putting her ex-husband in a cage! I said "HELL YEAH!" Damn cellular static! Now I'm stuck with ANOTHER weirdo son-in-law! Know what I mean? I think ya do...
 
(USA Today) - Airline fires pilot for positive alcohol test. Mesa Airlines has fired a pilot who tested positive for alcohol shortly before he was to fly 28 passengers from Little Rock to North Carolina, the airline said Tuesday. The incident on Friday was the third involving a commercial pilot and alcohol since July 1.
 *Has anybody checked to see if the Al Qaeda has planted bartenders in all the airport lounges?! Just curious!
 *Which is worse, the plane getting bombed...or the PILOT?!
 
(USA Today) - Home to 'Sopranos'. The kitchen/family room, the formal dining room, the curving driveway — this home in the September issue of Architectural Digest will be familiar to fans of The Sopranos. It was scouted for use in the HBO series, which based set designs on the brick house in North Caldwell, N.J. Some exterior scenes are shot there. The plans are available on a Web site (sopranohomedesign .com), and the owner/builder, Victor Recchia, tells AD that 250 replicas have been built.
 *I understand the builder offers appliance upgrades that you can't refuse!
 
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Frisbee Pioneer Dies, Ashes to Be Made Into Discs. "Steady" Ed Headrick, the California inventor who figured out a way to make the Frisbee fly fast and straight, has died at the age of 78. His family said his ashes will be made into Frisbees. Headrick died in his sleep early Monday at his home in La Selva Beach, California, his son Ken told the Santa Cruz Sentinel on Tuesday. While no services are now planned, Headrick's ashes will be molded into a limited number of "memorial flying discs" that will be distributed to family and friends, and sold to help fund a future Frisbee/disc golf history and memorabilia museum, his son, Ken Headrick, said.
 *Ashes to ashes, dust to disc!
 
SEOUL, Korea (Wireless Flash) -- Fed Up With Fido? Feed Him To The Kids. Are you over Rover? Fed up with Fido? Well, now you can donate him to a dogmeat company. Kim Daewoo, owner of Seoul, Korea's Kim Daewoo Dogmeat, says his company is always accepting "donations" of live pet dogs to make popular Korean entrees like Morima Geagogi (dogmeat sticks) and Su-Lug (dogmeat soup.) Daewoo says all folks have to do is show up to one of his many farms located through out Europe, Canada and Korea and drop their doggie off. However, don't try to dog him. He says pets will only be accepted if they're "sanitary." Daewoo, who says dogmeat tastes like kangaroo or horse, admits he's never owned a pet dog though he says he'd like to someday.
 *Well, that explains what happened at that Korean restaurant I ate at the other day. The appetizer tried to sniff the entree's butt!
 
(Circulating on the web) Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be  available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount And Do.
 

Thursday, August 15, 2002
  WOODSTOCK DAY - The Woodstock Music and Art Fair opened on this day in 1969. Two dozen bands came to play on a wooden stage in the middle of a pasture. It was a happening unlike any other before it ... and, probably like none after. 450,000 people formed a love-in for three days and nights.
1848 - M. Waldo Hanchett of Syracuse, NY patented the dental chair.
1877 - Thomas Edison wrote the president of the Telegraph Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word, “hello” would be a more appropriate greeting than “ahoy,” as suggested by Alexander Graham Bell when answering the telephone.
1911 - Procter & Gamble Company of Cincinnati, OH introduced Crisco hydrogenated shortening.
1914 - The Panama Canal opened. The U.S. steamship "Ancon" was the first ship through.
1948 - CBS-TV inaugurated the first nightly news broadcast, with anchorman Douglas Edwards.
1969 - Three Dog Night (Danny Hutton, Cory Wells and Chuck Negron) were awarded a gold record for the album, Three Dog Night. Where’d the name of the group come from? In Australia, the aborigine tribes of several regions slept outside all year. As the temperatures got colder, the tribesmen would sleep with a dog to keep warm. In colder weather, they would huddle with two dogs. It must have been an extremely cold night when the group was formed...
1970 - On this day, Mrs. Pat Palinkas became the first woman to ‘play’ in a pro football game. She held the ball for the Orlando (Florida) Panthers.
1971 - Bahrain, a group of islands in the Persian Gulf midway between the tip of the Qatar Peninsula and the Saudi Arabian mainland, gained independence from Great Britain. It became the State of Bahrain.
1980 - I Me Mine, an autobiography by former Beatle George Harrison, went on sale.
1981 - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross hit number one on the pop music charts with their beautiful duet, Endless Love. It was a huge success for the two singers. Endless Love was number one for 9, count ’em, nine weeks.
1983 - Six-month-old Lisa Harap of Queens Village, NY became the youngest identifiable living person to appear on a cover of TIME magazine.
1984 - New York City turned out to honor the Team USA Olympic medalists. An estimated two million people lined the streets during the 10-block-long ticker-tape parade.
1984 - Pete Rose returned to become player and manager of the Cincinnati Reds after being away from his hometown for six years. Rose had been in Philadelphia and Montreal.
1991 - Paul Simon performed a free concert in Central Park, New York. The show attracted some 750,000 people. The album, Paul Simon’s Concert in the Park is still attracting people.
1996 - Bob Dole won the Republican presidential nomination. At the party’s convention in San Diego, he offered himself as the “bridge to a time of tranquillity” and described himself as “the most optimistic man in America.”
1997 - The Los Angeles Dodgers retired player, scout, coach, manager, executive Tommy Lasorda’s uniform #2 in a pre-game ceremony at Dodger Stadium.
1997 - Films opening in the U.S.: Cop Land, starring Sylvester Stallone, Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Janeane Garofalo, Robert Patrick, Michael Rapaport, Annabella Sciorra and Malik Yoba; Event Horizon, with Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Kathleen Quinlan, Joely Richardson, Richard T. Jones, Jack Noseworthy, Jason Isaacs and Sean Pertwee; and Steel, starring Shaquille O’Neal, Annabeth Gish, Richard Roundtree, Judd Nelson, Irma P. Hall, Ray J and Charles Napier.
 
Today's Birthdays
  TV chef Julia Child is 90. Singer Bill Pinckney of The Drifters is 77. Actress Pat Priest ("The Munsters") is 66. Drummer Pete York of The Spencer Davis Group is 60. Author-journalist Linda Ellerbee is 58. Actress Debra Messing ("Will and Grace") is 34. Actor Ben Affleck is 30. Actress Natasha Henstridge ("The Whole Nine Yards," "Species") is 28.